You’re Probably Letting Your Ex Ruin Your Love Life


Baggage: we all have it.

Hey, life is tough and we make mistakes down the road we wish we could repeat and do differently.

One mistake that I can stop you from making now is talking about your ex on dates or with your significant others. I cannot even begin to stress how horribly detrimental that is to relationships or even dates.  Nobody wants to play second fiddle to someone they haven’t even met and I know for a fact I definitely don’t want to date someone who I think is still secretly pining away for someone else.

If you find yourself sitting across from someone who is rolling their eyes at you when you start talking it’s because they weren’t there and they don’t care. What they do know now, thanks to you, is that you’re unable to leave the past behind. A more intuitive person may even go as far as to surmise that you probably still have feelings for that other person and as we’ve all experienced once or twice it never works out when you date someone who is still in love with someone else. It just doesn’t.

If I had a friend who was sitting down with me who told me that her date/boyfriend/mother/dog kept talking about their ex-boyfriend I would probably say, “They still love them and you should probably get the hell out of there before it crashes and burns”.

It’s a natural assumption! If someone is still in love with someone else it isn’t really fair to you!

That aside another major problem is the whole issue of your past. Once you start revealing certain aspects of your past don’t expect to be able to stop. Questions will come up and oversharing will kill the romance. I’m sorry.

Once you start revealing certain aspects of your past don’t expect to be able to stop. Questions will come up and oversharing will kill the romance. I’m sorry. I know people still want to think that their partners are mature enough to talk about their sex life or how many partners they’ve had but that’s what we say not what we ultimately feel.  We aren’t as cool and mature as we like to think we are. Jealousy is a natural knee-jerk reaction that we usually handle by reassuring ourselves that our partners love us and that we’re secure, but if your relationship is still in the early stages having your past and a thousand question marks floating around is going to do nothing but create unnecessary doubts.

Stop over-sharing about your past and learn a little discretion. You’ll be happy you did later.


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Melissa Lapchuk
Co-Founder of Cinqe Matchmaking, obsessed with western medicine, my boyfriend, my dog, interior design and making matches in Southern California.