I Refuse To Date Someone Who is Instagram Famous

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I love my cellphone. I love being able to have a high-quality camera at my fingertips, whenever there’s a puppy or a cute baby moment that’ll only come around once it’s nice to know that I can document it as it happens.

Some of us love our cellphones too much and if you’re dating one of those people it can make your life a mini-nightmare.

One of the wonderful things about being an Orange County native is that you get a really delightful mix of people seeking Instagram, Snapchat, and blogging fame all congregated into a beautiful bubble. That means that you see women wearing full-length gowns being photographed by their reluctant boyfriend who looks more embarrassed than impressed. But, can you really blame him?

When you date someone who wants to be internet famous you’re basically agreeing to be their full videographer.

I refuse to date those men on Instagram who can’t even make breakfast without having to Snapchat the “event” to their followers. That isn’t because I don’t think that men should be allowed to express the same amount of narcissism and attention seeking that women express; I’m all for the expression of vanity and social ladder climbing! It’s practically the only reason that California hasn’t torn off from the rest of the United States and completely sunken.

I just don’t want to be the person in the background slathering my boyfriend in oil and going down to the beach to film him do his workout routine.

I’m just not ready to be a professional stage hand. Don’t those guys usually get paid to do that anyways? Or is dating a toned unemployed man who drinks FitTea its own reward?

More importantly, there’s something a little strange about being with someone who curates every second of their life to try and appease their internet following.

I’ve seen too many examples of girls who start dating these teenage Vine sensations and are immediately chased by a horde of angry teenage girls who stalk all of their social media and send them off into the Pacific Ocean on a burning ship. Horrifying. I think I can do without a group of 14-year-old girls sending flaming bags of poop to my front door and emails to my boss.

Thanks, but no thanks!


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